??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think I died a long time ago.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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