You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
