he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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