Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
