i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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