So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
