everyone is single if you try hard enough
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
