Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have feelings that need drinking.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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