Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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