Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
