Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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