Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
