Umm I'm too high to move.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
