Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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