So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
