Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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