would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
