I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
