i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
