Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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