Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
