dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize