Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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