By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
