So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
