Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
