My liver just broke up with me...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
