Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
