ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
