No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
