Is that why you're texting me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.