My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.