He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Barsexuality is the new black.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dating After Heartbreak
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off