Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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