How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.