ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
