I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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