Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
NoShamevember. You game?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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