i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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