My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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