Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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