I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
