Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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