Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
