so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
