So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
