new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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