In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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