remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
