thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
