Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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