there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
