i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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