Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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