what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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