u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
