I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
