my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
