I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
