Christians are straight up FREAKS
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
