Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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