I smell stomach acid.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
