you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
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Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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