It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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