I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
