Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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