im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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