God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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