what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
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Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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