With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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